Random Thoughts and Journeys

My Little Hellion

2008-05-08T15:36:00.001-07:00

It's funny how I used to think I had no time, but compared to now with an almost 3 month old, I had a lot of time before. My daughter was born on Feb 11th and is beautiful. She looks just like her daddy. But nobody could have prepared me for how high maintenance she is, not to mention the severe case of colic that lasted the first 2 months. Life with kids is quite the ride.

Of course, my body needs to lose quite a bit of weight at this point and I'm starting to head in the right direction. The biggest challenge is sleep deprivation and the lack of fanaticism that I used to have. I will prevail as always despite the challenge.

This is Lorelai Rose:

Very little time to go

2008-01-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

Hopefully my daughter will decide to arrive early (or on time) versus late. 3 more weeks to go before her actual due date. I'm excited to finally get to meet her and also to get my body back even though that will take alot of work. It's all worth it though and like Susan reminded me, being able to get pregnant was one of the reasons I lost the weight in the first place.

At least her room is ready and we're ready for her as well.

To a Great New Year!

2008-01-02T14:15:00.000-08:00

Here's hoping that 2008 is a fantastic New Year! If for no other reason, my daughter will make this a great year. Just 1 more month to go before becoming a mommy and living a dream come true many years in the making.

To update the baby shower, it was quite a success and many friends and family came to celebrate with us. We had a very good time and my sister did a phenomenal job of setting the place up and running the show. Who knew baby shower games could be such a hit!? LOL We had the clothespin game going where you weren't allowed to say baby all night and if you did the person that heard you took away your clothespin(s). At the end of the night the one with the most won the game. It was quite a riot to watch grown people fighting over clothespins haha.

Christmas and New Years were good times as well. Nothing too extraordinary to tell, but good times with family and friends is what makes the holidays great.

We're almost done with the nursery. I can't wait until that's finished and I can begin organizing in there. It's looking very pretty and girly. Hopefully she'll be on time and not late, I'm ready to have her.

I hope all my friends have had a wonderful holiday season and I hope your New Years is fantastic!

It's been forever...

2007-11-29T12:17:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a very long time since I've posted in my blog and I expected it to be much longer in reality. However, here I am for anyone who reads this. At this point I'm 7 months pregnant (about 30 1/2 weeks in) and will have my baby shower this Saturday thanks to my sister and great, wonderful friends! I feel very blessed to be where I am. We've been trying for this child for 5 years and this has truly been the easiest pregnancy I could ever wish for! No morning sickness, no strange or irresistable cravings, no pains, etc. It has been wonderful. The only downside has been the weight gain, but I will lose it all and then some after having the baby, that is the only option in my book.

Our little girl will be named Lorelai Rose. I can't wait to meet her and am in love with her already. We have a few new outfits and we've started on renovations to make our computer room her room. Daddy is ecstatic and he's been working incredibly hard!

I've also found a great resource and support system at Punkymoms.com.

Water with Lemon

2007-01-10T11:15:00.000-08:00

I'm newly re-inspired and completely in love with the book Water with Lemon. Now, it doesn't contain anything I really didn't know before reading it, but this book helped change my perspective, inspire me, and truly help get rid of the "guilt" feelings of dieting and gave me a fresh perspective. I've taken off 163 lbs in the last year and a half, 7 of which I'm re-losing right now, and yet failed many times to wrap my head around the fact that my eating habits are to be forever changed. I don't know about others, but that was a very difficult lesson for me. Well, this book helped me finally wrap my head around it and realize how to look at things. It doesn't truly matter if I eat 2000 calories one day because I'm hungrier than usual or if I actually stay at 1200 calories another day. What matters is that I listen to what my body is asking for and fuel it with things that are beneficial to it until I'm no longer hungry, not stuffed. I'm finally truly getting that and this book got me there. I recommend it to anyone who wants some inspiration.

At any rate, I'm happy, I'm healthy, I'm moving my body, and the rest will take care of itself ;).

Goodbye Holidays!

2006-12-27T18:07:00.000-08:00

The days of holiday gluttony are over for me and good riddance to them. I for one am happy to get back to normal and shed these unwanted pounds that have attached themselves to my frame. Back to a healthy lifestyle and trying to move this body fast enough to warm up in these frigid temperatures. It's way too cold for comfort in my opinion. I actually remember the days that I used to look forward to this coldness so I wouldn't sweat so much, now I can't stand going under 60 degrees because I freeze so easily, Brrrrrr.

The holidays were nice this year, so I'm not complaining too much on that front. We ended up creating a beautiful gingerbread house with my sister, husband, and MIL. It was a lot of fun! Now I just have to throw it away since there weren't any kids to gobble it up ROFL.

Happy Holidays!

2006-12-21T11:05:00.000-08:00

Well, it has taken me a while but I'm really starting to get into the holiday spirit now. Tomorrow my sister will come over and we're going to build a gingerbread house with my hubby, myself and probably my mother-in-law. My sister and I made a pact to start collecting indoor Christmas decorations to go all out next year and start new traditions. We really don't decorate enough right now and it makes it more difficult to get into the season.

My only complaint about the holiday: having to clean! LOL it could be worse I suppose. I love cooking so I don't mind it at all, I just wish people were more health conscious and appreciated healthier meals. Since that won't happen I do my best but the dishes aren't what I'd prefer for a guilt-free holiday. This season has been particularly difficult for me in terms of eating behavior. I hope it is only the season and I can regain my focus quickly and with a vengeance. Being extremely cold hasn't helped me at all. I really feel like my limbs are frozen solid half the time!

I hope everyone has a fantastic holiday and keeps the holiday spirit alive! I'll be thinking of all the great friends I've made this last year while trying to party up the night on Christmas Eve :).

What to Say

2006-11-27T14:08:00.000-08:00

I always find that the longer you stay away from something, the harder it is to get back into it. This is true when it comes to this blog as well as anything else. It's harder for me to write because I go so long without doing so. However, all things can be overcome one way or another. Staying true to the initial statement, I finally ended up cancelling my EQ2 account. I haven't played in over 6 months and as much as I love the game, I've been away too long to get into it anymore. Too many other things demand my attention and I've changed.

In new news, my husband and I finally started our Italy scrapbook last night and we had a lot of fun. Only 2 pages done (mostly done anyhow) but they look great! hehe

On Saturday I went to the gym with my sister and did a cardio kickboxing class along with a little weights and I'm still freaking sore! You'd think I wouldn't be since I do most of the moves ALOT but this instructor made us workout at high intensity for an hour straight. Heck, I'm lucky I made it through the class I think! I really would like to have a trainer once a week. Maybe I'll work on that.

Today I signed up for the prep course offered for the CFA exam and I'm ready to go. I actually find the subject matter very interesting and that's important. I know I'll be good at it, me and my numbers.

For now my goal is to stop spending so much money! My goodness I am reigning myself in at every opportunity right now.

2006-11-13T15:37:00.000-08:00

As my lovely sister pointed out, I'm quite lazy about posting these days aren't I? Ha, I could count the number of people who even read my blog on one hand, so it's probably not a big deal whether I write or not.

At any rate, there is some new news. I'll be studying for the CFA exam on my way to becoming a financial analyst. The first exam is next June and then every subsequent June for the next 3 years, so long as I pass each one that is. I'm confident that I will, I know my capabilities well enough. The hardest aspect will be reacquainting myself with a Texas Instrument calculator , it's been several years already now. Hopefully, after the first or second exam I'll be on my way to applying the knowledge. I am at least familiar with the subject matter from college.

This is all that's new in my world. I'm trying to keep behaving myself ;).

Inner Goal

2006-10-31T14:53:00.000-08:00

Wow, time really does fly! I came to some wonderful realizations last week but I haven't had a chance to post them before today. I realize that I'm happy. Truly happy about the way I look and feel. Therefore, I changed my goal from 160 lbs to 180 lbs. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to lose those last 20 lbs and be truly slim and skinny, but I've accomplished what I've set out to do and getting hung up on a number I've never seen on my body before seems like an incredibly dumb thing to do. All that does is fuel negativity when looking in the mirror shows me a beautiful person and I like what I see. So, I've decided that I am at goal. I am healthier than I've ever been, I wear a smaller size than I ever remember wearing in my life (even in high school), I can sit in an airplane with plenty of room to spare, I feel confident and sexy, I make better choices on a daily basis, etc. I am there by all measuring sticks I set out in front of myself a year and a half ago. So I am happy and I will continue to lose slowly, but I will no longer be hung up on a number like I have been for too long. The weight will come off without a doubt but it may take a year or two, I have time and I'm never going to fail myself.

Rome

2006-10-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

Wow! That’s how I feel about Rome. We only spent 2 short days there because we truly didn’t think we’d like the big city that much and added it into our itinerary last minute. Boy do we wish we spent more time there! We fell in love with the grandness of this city. We actually managed to see quite a bit in 2 days and for that I’m grateful.

We visited the Tomb of the Lost Soldier, the Colosseum, the Pantheon, Palentine Hill, the Spanish Steps, Piazza Navona, the Vatican Museum, and St. Peter’s Basilica. We got lucky and ran into a tour group that was very informative without being boring. We were able to cover a lot of ground in those two days without rushing through everything for the most part. The Collosseum and the Vatican impressed us to no end. It’s amazing to see these things in person. Especially when you know how long these things have been there. We fell in love with the juxtaposition of the very old outsides with the modern insides.

Rome Pictures:

Florence

2006-10-12T15:20:00.000-07:00

Florence was a completely different experience than Venice. We spent 5 days in Florence. It’s definitely rich in culture and we got our fill of that here to be sure. The main thing we enjoyed in Florence was great food and great museums. I’m a bit cultured out to say the least however. I was forever impressed by the sheer quantity of statues everywhere and loved browsing the high-end stores in the center. However, I found less expensive shopping to be a disappointment. Our bed & breakfast host was wonderful and a great concierge which turned out to be a great help, but we messed up on how we decided to do Tuscany. Our intention was to visit Sienna and San Gimignano while in Florence but we didn’t want to spend the high amount of renting a car to drive it and decided to use public transportation (train and bus). Unfortunately, that was a mistake.

First of all let me say that I was sick with the flu by the time we hit Florence and getting to Florence was difficult since I booked the wrong train and nobody wanted to help in Venice and it was a mess until a man at the information booth (where this total bitch wasn’t helping me in the least) saw me bawling about to leave, because no one spoke English at the number I was told repeatedly I needed to call to resolve my train problem, and was kind enough to call for me and get the matter resolved. Anyhow, I was sick when we arrived and the day we decided to go to Sienna my husband got sick as well. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be LOL. We did get to Sienna and walked around and enjoyed the little (very hilly) town, but we never made it to San Gimignano because we were simply exhausted and in no mood to figure out the bus schedules (again people that work there are of no help). So on another occasion we’ll drive through Tuscany and enjoy the wonders it has to offer like so many others do.

Aside from that we visited the Duomo, the Pitti Palace, the Uffizi, and the Accademia. The David in person is more impressive than we thought it would be. It was worth going to all of these museums without a doubt. We didn’t end up going to the Boboli Gardens and that’s another regret, but we did see a little bit of it and it looked beautiful. Aside from these places, our main enjoyment was just walking around the city and browsing different shops. We did get a complete kick out of seeing people in suits or dressed up with high heels on bikes and scooters. That was a fantastic sight! We also loved the little Smart Cars everywhere and seeing a small garbage truck, a small ambulance, and other miniature vehicles.

One of our memorable experiences was watching this woman play the violin in the square accompanied by a man playing an accordion. It was beautiful. Also, despite our mishaps, I’m glad we made it to Sienna. We did enjoy wandering through the center and the fan shaped plaza. Have tons of pictures for everyone though!

Florence Pictures:

Cultured Out! lol

Sienna Pictures:

Venice

2006-10-12T12:34:00.000-07:00

I figured I’d start my 3 part trip experience in the order of the cities we visited, however Venice was our first and our last stop being a total of 8 days there. It also happens to be my favorite of the 3 cities. I really fell in love with Venice because it’s so unique and truly more different from any of our cities here in the US. We also “stumbled” upon some very incredible moments in Venice that was completely unexpected.

Instead of boring anyone with the details, I’ll write the funnier and more memorable moments and try to convey the uniqueness of this city. The first true experience in Venice proper was us trying to book a ticket on the water bus to get to our hotel room. Now, in Florence and especially in Rome, many people speak English (or are willing to speak it), but in Venice people just don’t. I highly doubt it was true they didn’t in many cases, but they refused to speak it so I was still stuck trying to use a combination of Spanish and English with a few Italian words sprinkled in to get my point across. At any rate, the attendant at the ticket booth tells me it’s only a 10 minute walk so just walk there. I ask “where exactly?” and he points in the direction I need to go to get to the San Toma’ area. Ok, fine, we’ll walk then with our 4 suitcases right? Well, what he forgot to mention was the number of bridges we’d have to carry our suitcases over. Yes, bridges, 7 total if I counted right and 3 of which were big ones. Oh, the joy and Welcome to Venice! Did I mention there’s no such thing as getting from point A to point B in a straight line? Yep, imagine how easily those 10 minutes turned into 45 minutes or so. Lesson learned! Of course, when we arrived back in Venice a few days before our flight left to come back home the waterbuses were on strike and we had to repeat history against our will. Ugh!

My first thoughts were that the streets weren’t as cobbled as I expected. Yes they are cobblestones but they were more even than I imagined they’d be. That was a great discovery; however, I still was only crazy enough to wear high heels there once and that was plenty. I loved looking around at all the little stores even though most were closed since we arrived after 7:30pm local time. One of the other funny things was asking for directions several times and one of the times these kids (with better English than most adults feigned to not speak) got a real kick out of us and even snuck a picture in of us and our luggage with map in hand LOL. We did discover that even the smallest alleyways can be main streets!

Two events were truly cherished moments for us. The first was during our first visit to Venice where we were waiting on a bench in a Piazza until we could be seated at a restaurant (one of the few with actually good food) and we had about an hour or so to wait and decided to stay put and relax (soooo much walking under our belts already!). About a half hour later this woman starts setting up these speakers and sound system in the Piazza and we start wondering whether she was going to start singing or whatnot when couples start to arrive and women start trading their flats for high heels and suddenly people start dancing tango in the square! Completely different couples of different skill levels enjoying the evening by dancing in this square. It was incredible, romantic, and just very special to us. The second event was the night before we left for home again (last Sunday) when we were coming back to our room after dinner and a church we always passed during the day had the side doors opened and selling entry to a classical concert they were going to hold in there that started 10 minutes from the time we were passing by. I personally don’t like classical music but my husband does and where else can you truly experience a classical concert with chorus and all in a 500 plus year old church on an island? Why pass it up right? It was a great experience, and no I still don’t like classical music LOL.

Other Highlights:

• How all the bridges were unique! Usually different materials used on them from wood, metal, concrete, solid walls, open walls, and any combination thereof.
• We did go to the Rialto Bridge and Saint Mark’s square (way too crowded and touristy for our taste) because we couldn’t just skip it when it’s right there. It was a great experience since we went before the sunrise so we’d have the square to ourselves and watched the sun come up and had our own makeshift breakfast before all the craziness and crowding started.

• Murano, an island off of Venice known for glass-making, was a pretty place but not as impressive as we imagined it would be. I saw better glass pieces made in Murano in other parts of Italy, go figure! However, I did take a picture of a particularly ugly, yet elaborate piece there LOL.

• Burano, another island known for its lace work, was really colorful and enchanted me for that reason. Again the products weren’t anything I found particularly interesting, but I loved the cheerful colors of the place.

• This is where I want to buy my veggies!!!

More Venice Pictures:

Bye, Bye Italy

2006-10-10T17:40:00.000-07:00

All good things must come to an end right? Well my friends I'm back and with company in the way of extra pounds LOL. I have vowed not to weigh in before November 1rst and we returned last night and my butt started to lose weight again as of today and I do not regret the fantastic indulgences while I was gone. If you're going to do it, do it right I say. We had a great time in Italy and it was so worth it. I'm very grateful to have been able to go at all really. I'm planning on posting each city we visited with pics and in depth this week throughout the week as I get a chance.

Meanwhile, here's a taste of Venice:

Ta-Ta For Now!

2006-09-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

Leaving for the airport in 45 minutes and off for our fabulous adventure to Italy! I'm so excited I wish I was there already LOL. Trying to be good about the picture taking aspect and started with it already so hopefully that will work out and we won't keep forgetting to take the darn camera out.

Ciao!

A Lot in One Post

2006-09-17T11:43:00.000-07:00

So much to write! That's what happens when you go so long without posting right?

Anyhow, it's been an interesting few weeks for me and will become even better as of this Friday (leaving to Italy)! A couple of weeks ago we did the 21rst birthday bash for my sister followed up by my birthday and 5 extra pounds. Yep, 5 of those suckers that cannot be attributed to water weight. I never updated my ticker in order to use it as motivation to stick to my guns and get back down to 178 quickly, but I will update it today because I've been sitting on 180 for about a week and I'm just going to "start over" from there. My perspective and attitude is in the right place which thrills me to no end. This isn't failure, it's life and I know exactly what to do to get back down and further down to goal and I will do it. That's all there is to it. I can live with that.

Anyhow, the last weekend I had my friends Ashley and Ann over and they made me a very special paella and we just had such a fantastic time! I wish they were my neighbors so we could just walk over to one another's place, but it just isn't that way. That same night my father made a very yummy barbeque at our house and we had some family over along with my friend Heather. It was just a nice day with good birthday loot LOL. I received all things I can use constantly so I'm very happy about that.

The following Tuesday my aunt went back to Argentina. It's always been one of the most difficult things to me to not have my large family close by to celebrate things like the different holidays and birthdays so it was nice to at least have her close for this one. I've definitely grown accustomed to the circumstances over the many years of my life, but I still wish it were different. It makes me sad when I hear of people with big families that don't even want to be around them, even during the holidays. We always want what we don't have right? At this point I'm grateful for what I do have.

In between and around all this, we've been faced with some medical difficulties in the family that I am keeping faith will only turn out very well. I believe the mind dictates the body and just hope it continues to be the case. That's all I can really say on that subject.

Continuing on to Wednesday, I found myself on a plane to a new place where I was able to meet different people and had a few days of fun. I felt pampered and luxurious and who doesn't love that? LOL I arrived back on Friday night with a very long travel day and too many delays under my belt. The real plus to this is I really don't need that much room on a plane! Thank goodness because it was packed and I hate crowding! Particularly when I used to be the big one doing the crowding; those days are long gone to never return. On my trip back, within eyesight there was this young girl (college age I believe) that was using the time to study and I felt so impressed by her and proud of her (though I'm sure she didn't care) as I see that she brought her own food on the plane and it was cut up veggies and some fruit. The guy across the aisle from me also brought his own South Beach Diet meal bar and some nuts. I was just impressed and happy to see that. It really is a beautiful thing to care for your body and not throw yourself into a stranger's hands riddled with awful, unhealthy food. It just felt good to see it.

Yesterday was my husband's 40th birthday. We had a wonderful celebration with friends and family after running around trying to get some last minute things before our trip to Italy. He really enjoyed himself and got some nice loot himself LOL. I love having people over and just enjoying each other's company. The only downfall to the day is the crap I put in my mouth, but today and on will be a great food week for me because I will it so and I'll put in double duty on the workout at least today and normal the rest of the week.

This week will be a bit crazy for me, but that's alright. Friday we leave for Italy and I cannot even begin to describe my excitement about it. I'm ready!

I hope everyone's week turns out fantastic!!

A Week Already...

2006-09-06T17:10:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been a week since I posted already. Sure doesn't feel like that long ago!

This past weekend was extremely fun to me. We took my sister to Santa Barbara and went wine tasting, bike riding, fine dining, and beaching all the way. All kinds of excesses were the name of the days though. My pale skin at least saw the sun, though it didn't leave much of an impression all the same. I did find this fantastic sweet wine though. I never drink and finding one I like is probably not a good thing at this point in my life, but I will enjoy it nonetheless. My sister had a great time and that's all that matters.

Yesterday was my birthday and my husband took me out to JiRaffe's restaurant in Santa Monica. It was beautiful and we gave new meaning to the word gluttony! Had such a fantastic time though. I'm back on kicking my own butt to get these newly added pounds off my body once again. Saturday will be another party day, but every other day in between and after will be 100% to compensate and continue to lose. I'm on a new exercise campaign since it's just too easy not to do any!

I'll drink to health and pounds lost though!

I hope everyone had a great Labor Day on Monday.

Catching Up

2006-08-30T17:15:00.000-07:00

For those curious minds, the 21rst birthday bash was really nice. I loved the restaurant, had food I shouldn't have touched with a 10-foot pole and a nice Bailey's on the rocks. I'm not even bothering with guilt today, all I know is I'm doing well now and will work out hard tonight and take it one day at a time. I think my sister really enjoyed herself though ;).

I also got an early birthday present! Woohoo! hehe. It's an MBT shoe that I hope I love and will be happy to pack it on my trip to Italy for added intensity (like I need it ROFL) to compensate for some of that great wine, cheese, and salamis I will indulge in. Let's not forget the gelatto! I really am crazy lol.

On a completely separate note, I'm ticked off at Galaxy Granola! They have some really great organic granolas and I own most of the flavors available due to the low calorie count for really yummy stuff. Well, it has now been exposed at Hungry Girl that their products are grossly mislabeled. This is just wrong! The real nutritional data is about double what the package says!!! Very disappointing and it makes you wonder if you can really trust nutritional labels period? There was a cookie not long ago that, when tested independently, turned out to be twice as many calories (like 300) for the cookie! Just sad really, very sad.

Kaleidoscope

2006-08-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't been up to posting much lately due to an overwhelming amount of contradictory emotions I've been feeling on a pretty regular basis. In the past few days I've been angry, frustrated, scared, sad, depressed, relieved, happy, confused, determined, helpless, etc. The list goes on and on. I believe one particular issue to be at the bottom of how extreme I've been feeling. If I get upset, I get depressed; if I get mad, I get raging angry and so on. It's hard because that's not how I am, so I've had to take a step back and think about the why of it. Thanks to stepping back and thinking about the why, I managed to get myself out of what was eerily like depression today. I am not a depressed person and I refuse to allow myself to be one. I will fight it with every ounce of my being.

The upside is many good things occurred today. My friend Ashley is safe and was able to avoid surgery, my friend Ann made it to her 100 lb loss mark (she really, really needs to stop there though or there will be nothing left!), I got an exciting email regarding a positive opportunity in my life, my family is in good health, and many more things that I am able to cherish and enjoy. I thank all that is good for the positives in this life that balance those moments of despair. It is what makes those "moments" only last moments.

I feel so happy to have the friends and family I have. I know I'm blessed and I should focus on that versus the thing that makes me despair.

Tia!

2006-08-22T17:03:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was in a really bitchy mood and decided to stay away from posting as a rule it was so bad. Today is a much better day though! At any rate, my aunt was arriving yesterday morning at 7am from Argentina but she missed one of her connection flights due to idiots working in the airport in Chile! Basically it boiled down to missing a whole day with her since the flights only go out once a day and the poor thing had to stay in the airport for an additional 24 hours! That really sucked!

Luckily she did arrive today and in good spirits so I'll be able to see her tonight and spend some quality time with family ;).

This past weekend was great! I love spending time with dear friends and family so it felt really good to be up and out with people I care about.

21rst Celebration

2006-08-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that my baby sister is turning 21 this month? I'm so excited and have some plans up my sleeve of course! I'm not even sure I remember my 21rst birthday, but I think it was Vegas with my girlfriends. I just can't believe she'll be 21! I still have very "new" images in my mind of a 5 yr old pestering me. My husband and I were talking about it last night and he's known her since she was 11 years old. It's just incredible how things change so fast! (Ok that last line made me sound old)

Soon sis, soon! We're going to have a blast for your 21rst ;).

I Guess it's Monday Again!

2006-08-14T15:55:00.000-07:00

Wow, the weeks alternate between flying by and going at a snail's pace! I actually have quite the busy month ahead so I have a feeling it will fly by. Works for me as long as my Italy vacation goes very, very slow!

This past weekend was nice and relaxed. It feels good to enjoy time like that on occasion. Actually feels like I had a day off LOL.

Today has been a very busy day at work since I got in and I cannot begin to describe how happy that makes me. When things are too slow I can't help but feel like I'm failing in some way. Not helping enough, not doing or saying the right things, etc even though it's out of my hands and I know that it's not me. Well, days like today make me feel great!

Inspiration

2006-08-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

I posted this on another board, but I felt the need to post it here as inspiration and a reminder of where I want to be. This poem hits home for me in many ways and on many separate points in my life right now. Too many times I get boxed into my life; there are many things I have to figure out and get things moving towards attaining them, but I find it very difficult to do so.

My husband and I were sitting outside talking while staring at the full moon last night; reminiscing about different aspects of our life and I couldn't help but feel some longing for a different life to some degree. Sometimes I feel at a loss and lacking, but other times I feel on top of the world.

My Comfort Zone
Author Unknown

I used to have a Comfort Zone
Where I knew I couldn't fail
The same four walls of busy work
Were really more like jail.

I longed so much to do the things
I'd never done before,
But I stayed inside my Comfort Zone
And paced the same old floor

I claimed to be so busy
With the things inside my zone,
But deep inside I longed for
Something special of my own.

I couldn't let my life go by,
Just watching others win.
I held my breath and stepped outside
And let the change begin.

I took a step and with new strength
I'd never felt before,
I kissed my Comfort Zone 'goodbye'
And closed and locked the door.

If you are in a Comfort Zone,
Afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were
At one time filled with doubt.

A step or two and words of praise,
Can make your dreams come true.
Greet your future with a smile,
Success is there for you!

New Week

2006-08-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

Monday, for many, marks a new beginning and it will for me today as well. I'm tired of not exercising the self-control I know I have and I'm through with it. It's a new day, a new week, and a fresh start. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that if you can't do moderation, you have no business doing it at all. That is the case for me, I go to extremes and have to face the music. Since I can't do moderation, I will practice abstinence!

Happy Monday everyone!

My Crowning Moment

2006-08-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

There is a florist that my husband knew and would go to many years ago whenever he just wanted to surprise me or on a special occasion and this man would make (still does) amazing creations. Arrangements I've never seen any florist, before or since, rival. Whenever I'd receive one of these artistic creations I was the instant envy of even my mother LOL. Words cannot describe them and even the pictures don't capture the essence of the flowers.

Primarily due to how far he is from us, I haven't seen one of his particular arrangements in many years now. Well, when I walked into my house last night the first thing I saw was this beautiful vase filled with gorgeous white roses and the sweetest card in the world. My wonderful soulmate drove to this guy because he knows how much I love his arrangements and had them waiting for me in congratulations for my success. What a day!!

OMG Ann!! SippinSlo!

2006-08-02T13:03:00.000-07:00

OMG I'm just crying from joy over here in my little world. My wonderful friend Ann sent me these beautiful flowers today and I'm just speechless! And here are the gorgeous flowers! It is just the sweetest and nicest gesture ever and I feel so lucky to have friends like that! Thank you so much Ann!!!!

I Won!!!

2006-08-02T11:16:00.000-07:00

Time is a scarce commodity for me today, but I wanted to jump in and express my absolute joy in winning the NS summer contest!!!!! I'm beside myself today!!!

The Love of My Life

2006-07-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

I feel very blessed to have the husband I have and wanted to share that fact. We started dating 9 1/2 years ago and since that first month I knew he was the guy I'd marry. We got married 4 1/2 years ago in what I will always feel was a dream wedding. So much fun, good cheer, and the setting was fantastic. I feel blessed everyday to have met my soulmate. I couldn't have dreamed of a better man to share my life with, faults and all ;). The amount of encouragement, support, and love he gives me everyday is not something alot of people experience apparently. I feel for others sometimes when I see the lack of love in a couple that walks in or walks by me.

Without further ado in my lovey state of mind, here is my hubby:

Just Catching Up

2006-07-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

My week hasn't been overly exciting but I did make it through the two power days at the convention this week. I was a little disappointed about the lack of innovative products out this year, but there were a couple good finds anyhow. I do love furniture though. I find it to be so beautiful and appealing. I suppose I'm in the right industry with that attitude.

Thursday was uneventful unless you think spending outrageous money on brakes and rotors is fun, ugh. Well, I did do a little shopping too so that was pretty fun. I got a chance to see our local farmer's market. It's tiny. I found a few good things but in all honesty, supermarket produce is just as fresh, yummy, and priced about the same so I don't feel too bad about not having a chance to go to the farmer's market due to my scheduling.

Friday was fantastic. I had lunch with my sister. It's something we both love doing and never get a chance to do because of our schedule conflicts. Then to make a good day great we got dressed up with the hubby and had a great date seeing Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and a yummy Brazilian dinner followed by some strolling and yummy coffee. I wish everyday could be like that, just relaxed fun for the two of us. It's strange to work on the weekend while he's at home, it's not the same.

I'm a Finalist!

2006-07-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

OMG I'm so excited. This morning as I was pulling on my shirt getting ready for work I get a phone call from Ashley telling me that I made it to the top 5 in the NutriSystem summer contest. I just about flipped out! I'm blown away. Even more blown away by the amount of support and cheering I've read on the boards. It's incredible to me. I've never won anything in my life, raffles or contests, and I won even if I don't win the grand prize. I have a real shot at winning something I never even thought I'd become a finalist in!

Bear with the nutty woman on cloud 9 LOL. What a great way to start a Monday!

In other news...I have to wake up at 3 am tomorrow to leave for a furniture convention in Vegas. It will entail getting up at 3am to go to LAX, getting to Vegas too early to function properly, having breakfast, then walking miles and miles on all 10 floors of the new building, hitting the temporary tents, hitting the other convention, having dinner, gambling (will I be upright long enough to do some gambling is the question LOL), sleep, get up early and repeat until 5pm then rush to hit the plane back. OMG I'm getting tired just thinking about it. Last time I went (again in the 120 degree desert heat) my feet felt like they were about to fall off they were so sore. The silver lining is I won't be inside our store with it's 90+ degree inside temperature. Is sweating only a loss of water weight? LOL one could hope for more no?

2006-07-20T12:39:00.000-07:00

I don't understand myself sometimes. I got a call from my brother today and I was very brief because I just wasn't in the mood to talk on the phone with him and yet I feel guilty about that. Why I feel that way is a mystery to me, but I do. I just have nothing to say really.

In other news, reading Jan's blog and seeing all her flower pictures really makes me think of how little time I have to appreciate things like that. In all fairness as well, when I have more time I don't seem to take a breather for little things like that. I feel drained, truly drained on all levels. My vacation is really far away too.

Good Times

2006-07-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

As promised, some pics and updates on the great Saturday I had.

This first one is Ann, Myself, and Ashley. We got a quick pic in on the way to our cars after lunch with our friends Lisa and Allie. It was great to meet everyone and we had some lively discussions. As a result, I have now stopped shopping at WalMart because they do suck as a company for our communities. Ah, well, I'll get over it LOL.

The next one here is from that evening at my best friend Heather's birthday. We were at dinner here in a Chinese place (I won't even get into that meal) with my sister and a few of Heather's friends. We had a lot of fun watching the Piper Downs concert after dinner too and heading for some drinks.

Dirty Laundry

2006-07-17T15:17:00.000-07:00

Ahh, there's nothing like airing dirty laundry on a public blog is there? I'm an angry and disillusioned person today. It actually started last Saturday but I forced it out of my mind because I was out having a good time so there was no point.

At any rate, anyone that follows my blog at all will probably remember I posted a few months ago about my long-lost half-brother finding my family. I searched for him years ago and was pleased to finally be able to get to know him. Anyhow, there are a couple of things about me that I feel the need to state before I get into things: 1) I'm not a trusting person. I do assume the worst about a person and look for ulterior motives before I begin to trust them. This comes from years of experience, not just willy nilly. 2) I am very protective of my family and do not fake emotions or distaste very well.

That being said, here's the story. This started a couple of weeks after we started talking. I felt obligated to call him to not hurt his feelings and try to talk to him but I felt that I wasn't listened to at all. Months later I don't think this guy knows me at all. He started telling me he loves me, his little sister and blah blah blah. I couldn't really say the same back. I don't know this guy, he doesn't know me, how could he possibly know he'd like me as a person let alone love me as a sister? That aside, the way I have seen things from the start is as long as he's not after money or using my family in any way and his intentions are sincerely just about finding the family he never had and has searched for all these years, then we're fine and all things will fall into the corresponding slots in our lives. My aunts (my mother's sisters, not related to him) have met him and become a part of his life without hesitation because they care for my family. About 1 or 2 months ago there was a small inkling that things may not be as pretty as we wished them to be because my aunts had a chance to meet him, his girlfriend, and their child. The impression they got was that the girlfriend had some definite, yet unclear, motives in all of this. They may be mistaken or just a bad first impression right?

My first bad feeling: my aunts showed them pictures of us, our homes, our store, etc. When I heard this I told my husband or sister (or both I can't remember) that now we'll see what happens. To put it in perspective, one of my aunts in particular is well off by Argentine standards and my brother is where the majority fit: living month to month, without immediate need, but without extras. One big difference between them is my aunt is a well-educated woman in a good job with the same company for over 20 years, my brother didn't finish high-school and is on the ignorant side when it comes to manners, behavior, education, etc. So imagine this: my aunt, who knows the kind of sacrifices my family has been through to be where we are, gets impressed with our houses (trust me they are your standard small homes) and everything else; how do you think my brother reacted to the same photos? Yes, that's the same thing I thought.

Fast forward to a month ago, my parents went to Argentina to meet my brother and his family. The first face-to-face in almost 30 years between father and son. It went well actually. My dad met his grandchildren, found his grown son to be okay, not living in poverty, food on the table, a roof over his head. He realized he had issues, but still things went well. To help speed some paperwork needed some money was given to him for that particular process and the rest to be given (to finish paying for the cost) upon completion. My father is jaded like me as well so we're no idiots though we do pretend at times. The money was spent, not on the necessary paperwork as you may imagine, but spent (in case your wondering, my brother hasn't asked for money for this paperwork or pretended it wasn't enough...yet).

So, what happened on Saturday you ask? On Saturday proper, probably not much, except that I became informed of a situation. I won't draw out the entire situation, but in essence, my brother and his family have started seeing my father as their sugar daddy. You see why I assume the worst? He called my mother and when discussing a hearing aid he needs to get due to a disability he assumed, to her face, that my parents would be happy to fork out whatever money it was going to cost. My lovely mother told him to get whatever was within his means to pay for. LOL I love her to pieces. To add insult to injury, I'm also angry that in many ways they have put my aunts out with them helping him for this or that; or if they go have a drink or dinner one aunt of mine in particular ends up footing the bill. I can't stand people using and abusing me, my family, or anyone I care for.

Ah, well, I suppose we'll continue to see what happens from here, but I will admit I'm angry and disillusioned. I expected this sort of behavior, but I really hoped I was wrong.

Tomorrow

2006-07-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow! It will be a lot of fun to meet some of my new found friends and enjoy a good while together and it's also my best friend's birthday!

Happy Birthday Heather!!! We're going to have a blast and a good celebratory day! hehe

I really hope this weekend goes by slowly, I hate when it just rushes by me. Ugh.

3 cheers to having a day off finally now that our sales person is back ;).

2006-07-10T15:06:00.000-07:00

Another day, another week, time just flies right by. Sometimes I feel that it all goes too quickly and other times I can't wait for time to pass.

I feel that I'm going through an identity crisis, sometimes having yet to find out who I am now and other times frustrated that I am not always who I want to be. This stirs up quite an inner conflict. I'm afraid and relieved, sometimes simultaneously. At the same time I fight myself. I "want" to do and be one way, yet I realize that I purposely (God knows why) fight against it and "do" the opposite. I'm tired yet I muster the energy to workout and force myself to do so despite being tired.

I don't worry about other's impression of me beyond myself, my husband and family, it's trivial to me. What does worry me is how hard I am on myself and yet lenient in some ways at the same time. It's more of a destructive behavior that has an emotional impact and alters my mood versus being a conscious behavior where I'm cutting myself some slack. I worry that my husband thinks I've lost my mind a bit and I'm constantly worried that I'm not present enough for him to join him in games and other things because I'm working out to perfect my body thinking it will give me what exactly? What will I truly gain in the end? I'm really struggling right now. I don't feel like I'll be fine if I stop being my own sergeant. I wonder if I ever will be.

There is, of course, the flipside which is that I am bettering my health and taking out 1 hour a day to improve my well-being is not a bad thing. The bad thing is that it's not an activity we're sharing together, topped off by the limited hours I have on any given day. I work too much, but that's how it has to be. You can see what a mental yo-yo I play with every day.

Smiling

2006-07-07T19:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people can really make you smile. Now the same action from different people incites different reactions, but there's this one special lady that comes in to our store every year or so to buy something (she's your quintessential L.A. woman complete with the cutest dog and all) that gets a positive reaction from me. Anyhow, she hasn't seen me in over a year and she was blown away, actually she thought I was a sister of mine or something but I get that a lot. It's mainly how expressive and truly sweet this woman is that makes me smile so much. She brightened my day and didn't assume I had surgery to get where I am, a definite plus in my book. Actually, she thought I didn't have surgery because of how firm my face is she tells me. At any rate, she did make me feel good and her mannerisms and gushing towards me felt very sincere and she is appreciated today ;).

Silence is Golden?

2006-07-05T17:11:00.000-07:00

Well, it's definitely nice sometimes! I'm feeling a bit drained and tired today, no clue why though. I want to sleep and sleep. I'm up and down on my own personal rollercoaster as I've mentioned before I'm sure, but it's about to stop. I will not play the self-loathing or self-pity game anymore. I'm back on track because it is a decision to do so and I've made the choice. I will enjoy my family and company and beat those personal demons back into nothingness. I'll just put in my workout and go at it tonight and then straight to bed :).

I really need a day or two with myself alone as company and a good book. Total silence and reflection. I haven't done that in a very long time and I crave it.

I hope everyone had a great and successful 4th of July. Where has the year gone?

Where's My Energy?

2006-06-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

First off, I'm not one for energy drinks really, nor any diet aids and pills. I stick to vitamins and go. However, the heat has been draining me like there's no tomorrow. On the upside, it turns out I really don't sweat much and I have a high tolerance for the heat. At any rate, I do subscribe to Hungry Girl and I took her advice to try out FRS Energy Concentrates, for free no less (also 20% off by using the code "hungrygirl" when you purchase), and it's sooooo fantastic! I truly love it and it actually gives me tons of energy without feeling like I'm on drugs or something! I feel great and only use it once a day in the afternoon if I need it. So at least during the summer I've found a new energy friend lol.

Did I mention that the air conditioner at work gets so overloaded that it ends up being 90 to 95 degrees in here during the day with the AC on? Yeah, it's pretty bad.

Fitness Appreciation

2006-06-26T11:12:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a great change of pace due to going to my sister-in-law's house for the weekend. I had a really great time. One of the things we did was go on a 2 mile brisk walk yesterday morning. It was great and made me realize how fit I am because it was so easy for me. We went up hills and all at a truly brisk pace, yet it was incredibly easy to do and just felt good. It's difficult for me to judge how fit I am because I work out on the elliptical and use tapes at home and I focus on maximizing caloric expenditure. Therefore, it's hard for me to realize how fit I am until something like this comes up where I pound the pavement. Feels great to "see" these kinds of things!

Recipe Blog

2006-06-22T16:05:00.000-07:00

For those of you interested, I've created a recipe blog that's linked on the sidebar here which hosts different foods I made for the different meals and my grocery list.

Enjoy!

My Scale is Toying with Me

2006-06-19T10:32:00.000-07:00

Yes, you read that right, I'm attributing sentient qualities to an inanimate object. No, I'm not quite crazy yet. This not so little minx housed in my garage likes to play with me. Last Monday it tells me I weigh 188 lbs, on Saturday I weighed 184 lbs, on Sunday I weighed 182 lbs, and today I weigh 190 lbs. So where's the truth?

In all fairness, I gave new meaning to the word gluttony last night and I was still full from dinner after breakfast when I weighed myself. I knew it would toy with me. So the upside in all this is what you ask? The upside is that the scale has less power than the mirror. I am getting firmer and I will lose this weight and I'm not taking a year to lose these last 30 lbs either! I have decided to have 2 weigh in dates now though. I will weigh in Monday's as usual and on Wednesdays. Why? Because while the scale isn't the end, it does affect how I feel to some degree and constant negativity won't work. I haven't lost a pound in 2 weeks and well, that's my own fault, but I need to see something positive and I know my actual loss or lack of loss will be reflected in a couple of days.

Or should I ditch the minx? LOL

Restlessness

2006-06-17T23:36:00.000-07:00

Days off feel sooooo good! I'm so glad to be done with my little work marathon from the past few weeks. I have noticed something very important about myself though. I've become one of those restless people that always need to be moving or doing something. Even though I've been so tired these last few weeks I still got up early yesterday and got waxed, hair done, cooking, exercise, etc. I even kept getting up to do this or that while watching a movie for goodness sake. Today too, I got a massage then came home and ate lunch and immediately went out to do errands, etc and just kept myself moving all day long. I can't seem to help myself. I wonder what the deal is. The Flavia of the past would sleep in until 1pm at any opportunity, lounge around watching movies or playing a game, or anything lazy like that and the new Flavia just can't sit still through a movie! The plus side? More calories burned HAHAHA. Plus, I just feel so productive.

On the food front, I made some killer biscotti today. I've been wanting to make some since I just haven't seen some that I'd want to buy anywhere and I'm all out of the NS ones, so I gave it a shot today and they turned out fantastic. I'll never buy biscotti again. I made some apricot-pecan ones and chocolate-pecan ones. The chocolate ones were better in my opinion and my husband agreed. I think my mom will love the apricot-pecan ones though.

Anyhow, enough ramblings for one day. Hope everyone is having a great weekend and Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there!

NS

2006-06-08T12:25:00.000-07:00

June 27th will mark my 1 year anniversary on NutriSystem. Luckily I will be able to say that I've accomplished alot thanks to this program and what I've learned from it. It has been, and will continue to be, quite the journey. The easiest part has truly been losing the weight because I feel that I still eat well. The hardest part, which I'm still working on, has been coming to terms with the fact that I will forever have to watch what I eat and continuously work at staying thin.

I want to list a few things that have been important to me. There are many more, but listing all of them would take quite a while. Also, I tend to forget the little things sometimes and that's too bad really. But I'll never forget what it felt like to weigh 341 lbs.

Thanks to NS:

*I know what a meal should look like.
*I know what kinds of food I should be eating for optimum health.
*I know how to successfully eat out at a restaurant or other events where I don't prepare the food.
*I am physically active.
*I have all the tools I need to ensure long-term success regardless of whether life throws me curveballs or not.

Due to working NS:

*I am able to fit in an airplane seat comfortably and eat on the tray.
*I can move freely! Bending, kneeling, squatting, running, walking, jumping, etc.
*I like what I see in the mirror.
*I can essentially wear what I want. I am no longer limited to shopping by catalog only.
*I feel good about myself.
*I'm not ashamed to be "seen" in public and I no longer feel I don't look good enough to be by my husband's side. (He doesn't agree with this statement that I should ever have felt embarassed because he's always loved me for who I am and never felt embarassed to be at my side).

Heat & Sweat

2006-06-04T19:27:00.000-07:00

Ah, the good life. It was over 100 degrees yesterday and a high of 97 degrees today, yet I barely broke a sweat!

To give you some insight as to why this is even important to me, I am the one who would have the fan on even in winter because I would get hot and sweat. I was like a waterfall whenever it was hot, even 80 degrees, which is very uncomfortable and not pleasant when dealing with customers especially. I couldn't straighten my hair because while I was straightening it, it would start to curl from the sweat. Wearing makeup in Spring even was ridiculous because it ended up running and looking worse than wearing no makeup. The list goes on. I was incredibly hot all the time for so long. Now, I barely sweat unless I'm working up a sweat on purpose! It's so liberating and feels fantastic!

I can finally begin to understand why people enjoy the warm months that I've detested for so long.

Counting Down

2006-06-03T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at work on a Saturday and counting down the days until I have a day off. I'm so tired and sleepy. So 6 days down, 12 days to go. My being tired isn't work related though. I've been tired the past week and a half, maybe I need more downtime. It's all good, I will persevere.

On another front though, the main advantage to working everyday is that I'm always 100% at work! Woohoo! LOL, not much room to cheat when you prepare your meals for the day!

Enough blabbering and more working. Have a great weekend!

Death Becomes Us

2006-05-31T00:03:00.000-07:00

At 7:50pm, as we were closing the store, my mother gets a call from my father telling her that her best friend, Cecilia, just went into cardiac arrest and they were in the hospital in Mexicali. As she is on the line my father's radio goes off telling him the doctor is coming out with some news. The news was that Cecilia died. Witnessing my mother and the outright denial, blame, shock, incredulity, all in one tightly wound package was distressing to say the least.

Cecilia was a kind older woman, I thought she was pretty funny if dramatic like all good latin women that I know. My mother and she grew very close throughout this last year, talking constantly on the phone like high school girls. To the point where we'd have to scold my mother to put the phone down while we were at dinner. Almost every day off they had, my parents would go to Indio (where she lives/d) to spend time with her and her family. A very strong friendship grew out of this relationship. She became my mother's best friend like no friend I've seen in too many years to count. The devastation of this event is baffling and incredibly saddening. I really hope my mother can mend and be okay with this. I don't have any notion of the pain or anguish she feels or will feel when it truly sinks in. What I do know is that my parents are leaving on Thursday to Argentina and I know it's going to hurt my mother to have to miss the funeral.

It amazes me how quickly a person can be gone. It saddens me to know how deeply those of us left behind will hurt and mourn. I wish death wasn't necessary.

A Little Scared

2006-05-29T10:26:00.000-07:00

I have to admit I feel a bit scared. I'm scared that my mindset isn't in the right place and that I'll sabotage my goals. The reason why isn't so much that I only lost about 1 lb this week, it's more the reasons why that is the case. I have off and on days where I just binge. Yesterday was one of those days. I just ate and ate, healthy choices but in large quantities and just mentally couldn't stop myself. It was insane. It's almost as if throwing it all to the wind makes me feel like I'm not as deprived and that I'm satisfying myself when I'm really not. I'm not deprived and I don't need satisfaction that way.

This brings me to my fear. I'm afraid that I am truly not learning how to eat the right portions without feeling unsatisfied and that I seem to have the mentality that when I reach that elusive goal I can slack off in either eating, exercise, or both. I'm afraid I'll never get to my goal and if I do I'll mess it up when I'm there. I don't quite know what to do or how to change my mentality. How to go back to the idea that eating less is better and to go under versus over on my calories. This is becoming more and more difficult to me and it really worries me.

Memorial Day Weekend

2006-05-26T15:23:00.000-07:00

Oh how I envy all of you with a 3-day weekend! Memorial Day is a busy retail day so I'm exempt from the usual festivities but will be there at the bar-b-que in spirit! I hope all of you enjoy your holiday :).

On a separate note, I just watched my co-worker eat this incredible lunch that had me drooling but I don't need a calculator to know one bite is the equivalent of an entire meal in calories alone! Forget the fat content. It was essentially the size of a small pizza, the base was pizza dough folded up along the sides so the gross amounts of butter wouldn't ooze out of it with 2 fried eggs in the center and tons of cheese. My goodness it looked so freaking good. No bites for me though LOL. Anyhow, I had to share this epitome of American eating behaviors, hahaha.

Stressing Before the Stress

2006-05-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we, I in particular, start stressing about upcoming stress before it occurs? Maybe it's just me, but at any rate as of next week my parents will both be flying out to Argentina to meet, or reaquaint themselves, with my brother. That translates to 18 days working straight for me and my days are long. It's really not that big of a deal, it's manageable and has an end but I have so little downtime as it is with 2 days off a week that sometimes it feels like I'm drowning.

However, I'm very happy for my father and I hope this trip is better than he expects and that he'll find satisfaction in it.

Meanwhile, I'm just waiting for something to come through in terms of work. From any source but how we want it and very, very soon. I want this year to be the year that I'm able to liberate myself.

Energy

2006-05-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

Where oh where has my energy gone! I feel so sapped. I have tons of things to do yet no desire to do anything. It started off rainy and gloomy, took forever to get to work thanks to wonderful LA traffic, I have to call my brother and have no desire at all to talk on the phone, I have tons of work to do and don't feel like doing anything. Blah, I hate this. I can't seem to get motivated today.

I need energy! Send some my way please! ;)

Progress Shots

2006-05-19T12:59:00.000-07:00

These are pics starting from 1 week after beginning NS and up to this last Wednesday. A better shot is on my profile btw :).

Laziness

2006-05-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's just me, but this weather has done a serious number on my energy levels! I feel soooooooooooo lazy that it's sad, yet I have tons of work to do and I have to get my workout in tonight so I can have the weekend free of those workouts lol. Sometimes I feel that my days never end.

On the other hand though, it's quite beautiful outside. I used to hate it when it started to get hot around here, but now I find myself liking the sun :). It makes me happy (considering I'm not sweating like a waterfall anymore). Would be nice to be hanging out in the park having a bar-b-que with friends versus working though!

Time to get back to the grind, indoors blah.

Good Place

2006-05-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

I have butterflies in my stomach frequently lately, but more so today. While I can't get into details, I will say it looks like our time has come and this time my desire will be realized from one source or another. It's the right time for it and I think our prayers will be answered. It's just the right time and I'm going to make it happen.

I keep telling myself to not get ahead of myself because I may be disappointed, but that's just impossible to do. I won't make any plans ahead of myself, but I have less control over my thoughts than I do my actions.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed and sorry to be so vague, but I will divulge if and when it really happens.

Pound

2006-05-15T11:10:00.000-07:00

A pound is a pound is a pound right? My mind, on some level knows this, other people know this, yet I can't accept it. It's just not good enough. I realize I'm probably one of those obsessive dieters. The ones that nothing ever worked in their lives so then they find something that finally works and clicks, and they become obsessive about it. It's just not good enough dangit. The main reason why is because I could have lost at least 1 more if I wasn't screwing around and screwing up. Then it's terrifying to think when I do get to my goal, how the heck will I keep from screwing that up? I'm upset with myself and not sure how to cope with it.

Mother's Day

2006-05-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all that it applies! I hope you are all spending a good day with your families and being pampered to death ;).

Writing

2006-05-09T19:10:00.000-07:00

I have really been in the mood to write lately. I just wish I didn't feel the need to censor myself so much. Quite frankly, it's a public venue and anyone can read it, and I don't like risks on any level, personal or professional. So here I am ;). Writing about nothing LOL.

Pieces in Time

Our lives are composed of pieces in time. Moments that come and go, shape and form us, in ways sometimes unknown. Our days, cherished or moaned in passing shape our views, our beliefs, our souls. The trusting nature of children is replaced by cautiousness, the precious naivete of youth is replaced by knowledge gained through the rough handling of life on our bodies and souls. What was the girl I was in my youth really like? I don't think I can truly understand her anymore. Where is the rebel that lived in me through those high school years? How did she change? Who is this woman I am proud to be? How did I become her? Who will I be 10 years from now and what events will shape me into that new being? Reinventing ourselves is a special trait to be treasured. We are capable of so many things it amazes me. In time all things change yet remain the same in many ways. I treasure this piece of time that I may mold into what I need to sustain different aspects of my current self.

Awakening

2006-05-08T18:59:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting awakening this morning. I had a feeling I would probably not lose any weight this week because, quite frankly, I lied to myself when counting calories and kept putting things in my mouth that had no business being there. At any rate, I gained 2 lbs and I deserved it. I need to stop being an idiot and not jeopardize what I work hard to acheive. It makes no sense to do this to myself and I even knew I was doing it while I was doing it. I have resolved to figure out what is triggering this behavior and going back to the basics steering clear away from possible trigger foods (number one culprit is Peanut Butter, Ice Cream, and Chocolate). Back away from the goodies Flavia!

I refuse to let myself down and I am at it full force this week and forever with the right quantities (I have actually at least been eating the right kinds of foods just too much of them) and excersizing full force with full motivation.

All my NS friends, join me in being 100%!

Beautiful Cinco de Mayo

2006-05-05T14:31:00.000-07:00

It's such a nice day out that I want to be in the sun! What I love about it though is that it's kept me in a cheerful mood even if I am stuck inside working instead of at the beach. I hope this weather is finally here to stay, I'm so sick of the cold!

Mind Games

2006-05-04T13:31:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been ravenous for who know's what reason. I usually dismiss it as just mental and like I've stated before I haven't been staying at the calories I should be at. Nothing crazy but definitely going over continuously. So last night I got it really bad and as I laid down to sleep the thought occured to me that I should consider taking a pregnancy test just in case. In my usual fashion I mentally dismiss this much sought reality as an illusion to avoid the ups and downs I've battled over the last 5 years trying to get pregnant. However, last night my mind traveled to that forbidden place and started imagining what if the test were positive? What would I do? What would be my first reaction? etc. I got excited about it. I promptly told myself to stop and get it out of my head because nothing good would come of that kind of thinking and I thought I was pretty successful. So this morning when I woke up the first thing I did was take that test and realized that I was hoping for a positive result. Needless to say, it was negative. I knew I shouldn't even let myself think along those lines. It's silly really. Besides, if I were to really choose when to get pregnant, it wouldn't be now so close to my goal and our Italy trip (imagine a 6 month pregnant woman walking around everywhere in Italy! LOL).

In conclusion, I have no idea why my body has been so hungry lately to the point of discomfort in the evenings. But I refuse to go hungry, so if I have to be up a little on calories I'll do it. If I stall my progress I'll deal with it.

Observations

2006-05-03T14:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'm able to read a few different people's blogs (NS people) and it always moves me and I find it very interesting how we're all so different, yet so alike. Everyone has a different story, becomes overwhelmed for different reasons, goes through emotional rollercoaster rides, make you jump up and down from joy, make you cry as you empathize, etc. I just find it incredible how much we, as human beings, endure and adapt and overcome. Of course, what may be too much to handle for me may be easy for you and vice versa.

And then I find it curious that I'll be on the phone with friends or relatives and I have nothing to say. So much happens on a daily basis, but when I get on the phone I find most of it petty, yet it wasn't petty when it was happening. I'm just a ball of contradictions aren't I?

The human psyche has always fascinated me though. I really should have studied in that field.

Food & Activity Post

2006-05-02T13:14:00.000-07:00

I decided to write this post, at least for today, despite the fact that my eating habits have left much to be desired as of late. I've gotten too lenient on myself and that has got to change! At any rate, today I'll be accountable if nothing else :).

Breakfast - 1/2 a whole wheat pita with lean ham and 1/2 cup eggbeaters (seasoned and cooked in 1/2 tsp of olive oil). Also, 1/2 a banana and coffee with creamer.

Lunch - Homemade chicken salad with carrots and zucchini using 1 Tbsp of FF mayo, dill, and 1 Tbsp FF yogurt as seasoning. This stuffed into a whole wheat pita. Another coffee with creamer.

Snack - 5 oz of vanilla yogurt with 2 Tbsp of Kashi cereal and some sliced strawberries. Possibly a little SF strawberry jello if I get hungry.

Dinner - Went out to sushi and did pretty well actually. I had about 7 oz of sashimi, 1 pc of sushi, a medium spicy tuna salad with spicy dressing on the side, and 1 cup of grilled mushrooms.

Dessert - Probably nothing.

Drinks - About 15 glasses of water, 3 large coffees, 1 coke zero, 4 cups of green tea, and 2 cups of yerba mate tea.

Exercise - 45 min on the elliptical.

Total calories consumed at 1330 and total calories burned at 810. Not a bad day ;).

2006-04-27T16:22:00.000-07:00

I don't think I can truly understand depression, but melancholy I'm familiar with.

What I do understand is the intense need I feel right now to lie down on my couch at home with hot tea in hand, listening to the music of my past, those difficult high school years, and staring out the window thinking about nothing and everything at once.

Things are never all bad, and I'm not depressed by any means, but I yearn for that inner peace and oblivion right now. Feeling overwhelmed is never a pleasant thing.

This too shall pass.

Onederland's New Resident!

2006-04-24T12:47:00.000-07:00

I am here and here to stay!!! Weighed in at 198 this morning and I couldn't be more excited! I will never be more than 200 lbs again. This is it!

My wallet is a bit dented just to update you Susan LOL. Got some goodies though! Make-up, nice pants, a shirt, shoes, perfume, and fake pretty rings (until my wedding ones get re-sized). No luck on finding dresses or really nice tops though and towards the end I just got tired. Had a great girl's day out with my best friend doing it though and we got to go to lunch and just shop. Loved it!

Also got all confirmed for our trip to Italy this year. Everything is looking great today :).

Time to Shop Again!

2006-04-21T10:55:00.000-07:00

I feel that it's time to indulge in my new found hobby, shopping! LOL I'm thinking I have a serious need for new shoes, dresses, skirts, shirts, undergarments... hmm my list never ends!

**checks her wallet** There is a reason they invented credit cards after all! ROFL

Facing Addiction

2006-04-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

This is a reminder for all those who are interested, and myself, that we are combating (and conquering) what I believe to be the hardest addiction: food addiction. Why is it the hardest? Because of all addictions it is the only one that you can't just give up and never pick up again. We have to eat everyday, so everyday becomes a challenge that needs a renewed resolve. Each and every day we face our addiction and try to conquer it. Any other addiction, drugs or alcohol or anything else, we can go the rest of our lives avoiding it and never picking it up again, but this doesn't hold true for food.

Simply put, the point of this post is to point out that every day we win that battle, it's an amazing feat. There will be times we don't win it and it's an emotional blow. We may feel angry or disappointed in ourselves because we "know" better, but the truth of the matter is that we are winning and it's rare we let ourselves get out of control. It's a life-long battle, no matter how thin we become it's still something we will deal with for life. The important thing is to treat ourselves well and to realize that one mistake does not signify failure.

Never, ever give up.

A Little More Brotherly Excitement

2006-04-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

I just want to express my excitement with my continued contact with my long-lost brother. It's still all a little surreal to me, but he constantly calls and is just so excited to have found us and I'm really excited to be able to meet him soon. I'm an aunt of 3 and have another sister-in-law to look forward to meeting. My dad is just brimming with joy too, even though he hides it a little.

Many years ago, about 10 or so, I searched for him to no avail. Then a couple of days before his first call to us my mother and I were remembering him and wondering what ever became of him. It was a shock when a couple of days later he's right there on the phone. The last time I saw him was when I was about 1 or 2 years old and the only memory is a couple of photos here and there.

I'm hoping that once I see him it will feel more real because it doesn't yet although my excitement about it continues to grow.

Venice Here We Come!

2006-04-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

I'm super excited! I just confirmed, booked, and paid for a trip to Venice, Italy with hubby in September. We're both super excited! We plan on hitting up Florence as well and it's going to be so romantic. I can't wait! It's still very far away and I'm thinking I'll be at goal by the time we leave so it'll be a celebration on all fronts :). I want to shop in super sexy boutiques LOL. Watch your wallet dear!

We have a couple of places scoped out for lodging and once that's booked we'll be ready to go :). Time to learn Italian! It's similar enough to Spanish and I have a little book so I think I'll be quite good by the time we go. Gives us a chance to save up money too :).

Gluttony

2006-04-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

The only word to describe my behavior yesterday is gluttony. I didn't even know I could still eat that much in one sitting! I did enjoy myself and had a good time yesterday with family. I'm not really moaning about the day because I did it to myself, but sheesh. We ate around 3pm and at 11pm I was still full to give you some indication. All in all, I ended up at around 1900 calories for the day, could have been much worse, but still no good. Back on track in full force this week! No excuses.

Food & Activity Post

2006-04-14T11:28:00.000-07:00

Today should be much better in terms of hunger than yesterday because I planned it out so I have something to eat every couple of hours. I can't handle another day where I'm so ravenous at night. I'm writing it out in the order I'll end up eating so it will be like 10 things LOL.

Breakfast - Ham, Turkey, and FF cheddar sandwich with garlic powder and FF Promise margarine spread with my coffee and creamer.

Lunch Salad - Sauteed leftover veggies from last night.

Lunch Entree - NS black beans and rice with 1 Tbsp of FF sour cream.

Lunch Protein - Hard-boiled egg.

Snack Protein - 1 slice of light bread with 1 tsp of garlic mustard and 2 oz of lean ham made into a small sandwich.

Snack Fruit - A whole banana (part of breakfast fruit).

Dinner - 2 NS thin crust pizzas with 2 slices of lean ham and 1/8 cup FF mozzarella plus 2 servings of broccoli slaw with 1 1/2 Tbsp low-fat ranch.

Dessert - A bag of Popcorn and coffee with creamer.

Drinks - 16 glasses of water, 4 cups yerba mate tea, 1 coke zero and 3 coffees.

Exercise - None, too busy doing bad things to the goat for Easter LOL. Didn't finish until almost midnight so I'll workout tomorrow.

Total calories consumed at 1238.

Food & Activity Post

2006-04-13T13:18:00.000-07:00

Yummy food day today! Today I'll write down exactly how I make my food especially for you Ashley :). I hope you all enjoy!

Breakfast - 1/2 cup of a Multi-grain oatmeal (from Trader Joe's at 130 cal/serving) cooked in 1/2 cup of FF Carb Countdown Milk (23 cals) and 1/2 cup of a low-fat Almond milk (the almond milk doesn't have the protein regular milk does but it tastes fantastic and I get it at TJs as well- 40 cals for 1/2 cup) with 2 tsp of Splenda. I also had 60 calories worth of organic sliced apples and coffee with 1 1/2 tsp of creamer. A definite favorite breakfast for me!

Lunch - Went out to dinner last night and brought home everyone's leftover grilled chicken to make a salad today. Turned out really good. I used 1 serving of broccoli slaw (25 cals), 2 oz of chicken breast (88 cals), 2 oz of dark meat (116 cals), 1/2 serving of low-sodium garbanzo beans (40 cals), 1/2 serving of whole kernel corn (40 cals), and 1 Tbsp of Light Done Right Parmesean Ranch (35 cals).

Snack - 2 oz of lean sun-dried tomato turkey lunchmeat slices (Jenny-O at 50 cals) and a serving of grapes (60 cals).

Dinner - NS vegetable lasagna with meat sauce (260 cals) and some sauteed (cooking spray, garlic, salt, pepper) stir fry veggies (100 cals).

Dessert - I'm basically a bottomless pit tonight I'm so hungry! I ended up having 1/4 banana (26 cals), coffee with creamer (16 cals), 1 Tbsp of peanut butter (95 cals), 1 Tbsp of walnut pieces (48 cals), and 2 Tbsp of golden raisins (56 cals). I'm going to go workout before I continue eating, can you believe I'm still hungry? grr

Drinks - 18 glasses of water, 2 cups of yerba mate tea, 3 cups of iced tea, 2 coffees and 2 Coca-Cola Zero.

Exercise - 30 minutes on the elliptical.

Total calories consumed at 1380 tonight. Calories burned were 535.

Writing Habits

2006-04-11T19:51:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking off and on today about my writing habits. I remember in high school I used to write poetry and different things all the time. I really enjoyed it and thought I was pretty good (not truly that good looking back at the stuff, but I believed it at the time). I also kept a diary but after my mother read it one day I was never, ever able to keep a diary again. Confession in writing is always something to be avoided even if it's not bad stuff just private stuff. That's my take on it. But back to the point, I wonder why I don't get inspired to write poetry or things of that nature anymore. I've always loved writing, but that doesn't occur to me anymore. I'm not sure I could even be inspired to. Maybe I should get a few books by famous poets... Maybe some Emily Dickinson (need a translator for most of her work though because of all the layers of meaning).

Maybe the thing is that I just grew up? We'll see, I suppose this is the equivalent of the remembered past writings. I just wish I were more eloquent with words. I'll work on improving that ;).

Monday Again!

2006-04-10T15:59:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday everyone. I had a great weekend. On Saturday, husband and I went to Venice Beach and walked around, ate lunch (not your top notch cuisine for sure), and rode bikes. It was so much fun LOL. Afterwards we went and saw the movie Kinky Boots, it was cute and a light-hearted fun movie, and had some good dinner. It's been so long since we both felt the day didn't just fly by us, we were able to actually enjoy all the hours at our disposal. What a difference a change of pace makes in how you feel and how relaxed you feel.

We've decided to take our vacation in Venice, Italy this year. It will be in September sometime and I hope to be at goal by then in my weightloss. I'm extremely excited about it and started learning some Italian (LOL). Luckily Italian is very similar to Spanish, so I should be able to get quite a bit of it down before we leave. The romance of Venice awaits us!

My dad was able to find someone to get us a young goat for Easter and I'm looking forward to that. It's actually as low in calories, if not lower, as turkey white meat. I'm also making a traditional Argentine Rosca de Pascua. This is a dessert Easter bread with a creme top. There was little I could do to adapt this recipe, but I'll manage to lower the calorie counts a little bit without altering the taste. My family will be happy to have a "regular" dessert LOL. I have yet to figure out the rest, but I'll come up with something great ;).

Lastly, as a store we will be supporting the national proposition of a day without latino workers on May 1rst, 2006. While we may not struggle with the immigration issues that these people struggle with, we do believe they contribute more to our society than most want to give them credit for. Therefore, we'll be closing the shop and staying home to support the cause.

That about sums up everything, hope everyone is having a great day :).

Food & Activity Post

2006-04-09T14:52:00.000-07:00

Another abnormal day as weekends are prone to being. Not doing too bad but I've counted something I had at 2 am towards today so that'll put me up a bit in calories in the end. Such is life.

Today:

Breakfast - A homemade piece of fennel and cheese bread spread with FF Promise margarine along with fresh strawberries and apples and coffee with creamer. (The extra was a piece of this same bread when it came out of the oven at 2 am lol).

Lunch - 5 oz of chicken breast pan-grilled with peach mango salsa and sauteed mushrooms, onions, and baby broccoli.

Snack - Banana chocolate shake and coffee with creamer. Also had 6 slices of lean ham.

Dinner - Breaded turkey breasts and a salad with peach mango sauce and 1/2 a piece of flatbread.

Dessert - A crepe with banana and honey topped with whipped cream.

Drinks - 14 glasses of water, 3 cups of coffee, and 2 cups of yerba mate tea.

Exercise - None today, taking the day off.

Total calories consumed at 1376 and none burned.

Food & Activity Post

2006-04-08T21:54:00.000-07:00

I've had a great all day date today with the hubby :). Of course that means we ate out all day, but not too shabby except for a couple indulgences LOL.

Today:

Breakfast - Multi-grain oatmeal with raisins and afterwards a SF, FF vanilla latte at a coffee place. Plus, a piece of an egg bagel and some forbidden chocolate cookie. (sooo bad yet so good!)

Lunch - I ordered a grilled chicken breast sandwich with grilled onions, lettuce and tomatoes. I only ate the bottom half of the bun because the top was just way too big and unappetizing. I ate this with ketchup.

Snack - Coffee with creamer and 1/2 oz of muenster cheese.

Dinner - Spicy tuna lettuce wrap, 1 pc of sushi, and a sashimi salad using only very little of the sesame dressing and having the avocado on it.

Dessert - Coffee with creamer and a fudge ice cream bar.

Drinks - 12 glasses of water, 4 cups of coffee, 2 glasses of iced tea, 2 cups of green tea, and most of a coke zero.

Exercise - We rode bikes at Venice Beach today for close to an hour and walked quite a bit :). Nice day.

Total calories consumed approximately 1463 and calories burned about 500.

Food & Activity Post

2006-04-07T13:26:00.000-07:00

Today:

Breakfast - Delicious french toast with fresh strawberries warmed up with hot SF maple syrup. Also, coffee with creamer.

Lunch - Another great meal today. Sauteed fresh baby spinach with garlic, salt and pepper and some leftover Cheeseburger Pie from last night.

Snack - Hard-boiled egg and organic apple slices.

Dinner - Pineapple Asian Chicken over brown rice with sauteed baby broccoli.

Dessert - NS soy pretzels and coffee with creamer.

Drinks - 18 glasses of water, 2 cup of coffee, 4 cups yerba mate tea, 1 coke zero, and 2 cup of green tea. I know I drink A LOT.

Exercise - 45 minutes on the elliptical again tonight.

Total calories consumed were 1344 and calories burned 847.

Just Breathe

2006-04-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

Breathe in, breathe out, repeat until tranquil again. That is my motto this week. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at work and I can't wait for today to be over and start my weekend. We're planning to go to Venice beach tomorrow with hubby and do some bike riding, lunch, movies, and dinner! A full day out just the two of us sounds fantastic really. I'm looking forward to it so it better not rain! LOL

I can't wait for Easter, I've got this menu planned that I hope works out and just hanging out with family sounds great.

Happy Friday everyone!

Food & Activity Post

2006-04-06T23:18:00.000-07:00

Another late day for me today. Work has been quite hectic and it's been a real struggle to get my workouts in, not to mention keeping cravings in check.

Today:

Breakfast - Quesadilla made with 2 low-carb tortillas, 1/2 cup eggbeaters, and 1/4 cup FF cheddar. Of course my coffee with creamer too :).

Lunch - Cream of mushroom soup using Campbell's 98% fat-free soup and adding 1/2 cup fresh mushrooms, 1/4 cup of FF Carb Countdown Milk, and 1/4 cup FF cheddar. As my veggies I had some baby broccoli I sauteed with garlic.

Snack - I had 3 oz of sauteed shrimp with garlic and a large, 8 oz, orange that counted as both my fruit servings. I also had coffee with very little creamer.

Dinner - I made Amy Smith's Cheeseburger Pie with added diced tomatoes to the recipe and some sour cream. Also had vegetable stir fry with soy sauce.

Dessert - I had some coffee with creamer and am about to have 1 slice of multi-grain bread with 1/2 Tbsp of peanut butter and 1 tsp of honey.

Drinks - About 18 glasses of water, 1 coke zero, 3 cups of coffee, 3 cups of yerba mate tea, 1 cup of green tea.

Exercise - 45 minutes on the elliptical.

Total consumed is 1248 calories and total burned is 866 calories.

Food & Activity Post

2006-04-05T23:41:00.000-07:00

Better late than never :).

Today:

Breakfast - Banana cake, 5 oz of FF, SF vanilla yogurt, 1/2 cup pineapple chunks, and coffee with creamer. My first attempt at breakfast today was Paul's Bundt Cake but I over-nuked it in the microwave and it was like teflon! So I changed breakfast LOL.

Lunch - NS mashed potatoes with 4 oz of sauteed baby broccoli.

Snack - Grilled cheese sandwich made with wheat bread and low-fat 4 cheese blend using FF margarine to toast it with and added fresh basil. As fruit had a serving of organic apples.

Dinner - Went to Maria's Italian Kitchen and ordered from their light menu that uses no oil or butter to cook the food with and had a salad that I condimented with some balsamic vinegar and 1 tsp of olive oil plus their chicken tenders with mushrooms and spinach.

Dessert - Coffee with creamer.

Extras - A couple SF hard candies throughout the day.

Drinks - About 18 glasses of water, 3 glasses of iced tea, 6 cups of yerba mate tea, 1 coke zero, and 3 cups of coffee.

Exercise - The Ultimate Fat Blasting Cardio by Billy Blanks for 55 minutes.

Total consumed for the day are 1204 calories and total burned are 816 calories.

Food & Activity Post

2006-04-04T12:19:00.000-07:00

Today:

Breakfast - A cup of multi-grain oatmeal with 2 tbsp raisins and coffee with creamer.

Lunch - Chicken salad with greens and a wheat pita. (same as yesterday)

Snack - 1/2 sandwich on wheat bread with some FF margarine, 4 slices of lean ham, and 1/2 slice FF cheddar and 1 1/4 cup of strawberries.

Dinner - About 5 oz of sashimi, 5 oz of sushi rolls, mushroom skewers, and salad with spicy dressing. I totally overdid this one /sigh.

Dessert - None for me. But had 3 SF hard candies during the day.

Drinks - 16 glasses of water, 6 cups of yerba mate tea, 4 cups of green tea, 1 coke zero and 1 cup of coffee.

Exercise - 30 minutes on the elliptical.

Total calories consumed around 1332 (may have been a little more) and 559 calories burned.

Rain

2006-04-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

"It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring..." and I wish I was too!! LOL I don't know what it is about the rain that just makes you want to cuddle up in front of the TV or sleep 'til noon. This winter, and now spring, has been crazy. It's pouring here in not so sunny LA and people really don't know how to drive.

I'm really hoping for a sunny weekend to go out and have some fun with the hubby!

Food & Activity Post

2006-04-03T17:06:00.000-07:00

Today:

Breakfast - 1 piece of CG's Banana Cake with coffee and creamer.

Lunch - Homemade chicken salad with 1 wheat pita. I boiled some chicken breasts with an onion, garlic, salt, pepper, and some celery. I used 4 oz of that chicken and shredded it, mixed in some chopped roasted bell peppers, chopped onion, chopped celery, salt, pepper, garlic powder, 1 tsp of garlic mustard, 1/2 Tbsp FF mayo, and some baby spinach. I stuffed this mixture into each pita half and had a marvelous lunch!

Snack - At separate times I had 4 oz FF, SF vanilla yogurt with 2 Tbsp of raisins (from breakfast) and CG's Banana Bread Pudding.

Dinner - NS Mac & Cheese with Beef topped with 1/4 cup FF cheddar and green beans sauteed with onions and garlic.

Dessert - Ice cream topped with some pecans and coffee with creamer.

Drinks - 20 glasses of water, 3 cups of coffee, 6 cups of mate yerba tea, and 1 coke zero.

Exercise - 45 minutes on the eliptical and some ab work.

Total calories consumed at 1214 and calories burned at 866.

Moods

2006-04-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

I don't know about the rest of the planet, but I for one have come to realize that I am largely dominated by my moods. Perhaps it's that little lie inside my head, it's an outrageous lie to be sure, that being thin would make me always happy? I think on a subconscious level I always equated being thin with happy period, but that really isn't the case and I've always known that. Basically, if I have a crappy day it doesn't matter if I'm looking good while having it LOL! Bah, basically, I get fired up and today I'm at wits end. New employees are a difficulty to begin with, but truly clueless ones are something else altogether! Shoot me now please.

Anyhow, enough nonsense for the day! This week I'm going to be 100% and will post my food to keep me on track and accountable. Happy Monday all!

Fascinated by Bones

2006-03-30T19:02:00.000-08:00

I am finding the different bones I can feel now fascinating. This may sound very strange, but I haven't felt my hip bone, breast bone, ribs, shoulder blade, pelvis, etc in about 10 years or so and it's strange to rediscover my body. When I could feel them back then I didn't pay any attention to it, but now it's incredible. It's like meeting myself all over again. I discovered that my breast bone sticks out a bit like my mother's, my ribs seem so short to me, my hips are like my father's, and the list goes on. Interesting how one's own body can be a new discovery isn't it?

Productivity

2006-03-30T13:02:00.000-08:00

Apparently I am not as productive as I should be. Why do I say this? I have way too much time clocked in on the boards! LOL I still work of course and things get done, but I stall on the crap work :p. I should seriously consider working more and surfing less...tomorrow. HAH

First Day of My New Tradition

2006-03-29T12:39:00.000-08:00

This morning was a beautiful start to my day. The sun was out and it was neither too hot or too cold so I decided to start my breakfast tradition in the backyard. I had my multigrain oatmeal topped with sliced bananas and coffee in one hand and my large glass of water in my other hand. I sat down in one of our adirondack chairs, got comfortable wearing my baggy PJs and thermal top and let the sun kiss my feet as I wiggled my toes. It was so peaceful, just my thoughts and my breakfast being warmed by the early sun.

I had a great time :).

Food & Activity Post

2006-03-28T13:15:00.000-08:00

Today:

Breakfast - I changed my mind last minute (I was going to eat an NS breakfast) and ended up having my coffee with creamer, a quesadilla made with 2 tortillas, 1/4 cup FF cheddar, 1/4 cup eggbeaters, and 3 slices of lean ham. As my fruit I had 1 1/4 cup fresh strawberries sliced.

Lunch - I had 2 more leftover Turkey meatballs plus a little invention. I used 1 serving of mixed cooking greens, garlic, and 1/2 cup of mushrooms and sauteed them with cooking spray. Meanwhile I mixed 1/2 cup of eggbeater, salt, pepper, crushed red pepper, and 1/3 cup cooked brown rice in a bowl then added the sauteed veggies and mixed well. On the same skillet I used cooking spray and spread the veggie mixture over medium-high heat into a large pancake shape until it browned on one side then flipped it over using a plate to finish the other side. Very yummy entree.

Snack - Fresh strawberries and a quesadilla made with 1 tortilla, 1/8 cup FF cheddar, and 2 slices of lean ham. And 3 bites of my hubby's Phillipino sweet rice (so not legal LOL, but hey, 3 bite rule right??).

Dinner - Going out to dinner tonight and will have 2 servings of mushroom skewers, a sashimi salad with dressing on the side and 1 order of yellowtail sushi.

Dessert - None tonight.

Exercise - 45 minutes on the eliptical.

Drinks - 15 glasses of water, 2 cups of yerba mate tea, 1 coke zero, a triple shot americano, and 1 cup of coffee.

Total calorie intake should come out to 1325 and calories burned at 839.

Food & Activity Post

2006-03-27T18:22:00.000-08:00

Today:

Breakfast - A great multigrain oatmeal (from TJs) made with 3/4 cup Carb Countdown FF milk, splenda, vanilla extract, cinnamon, and 2 Tbsp of raisins. Also coffee with the other 1/4 cup milk.
Lunch - Baby carrots with 1 Tbsp of low-fat ranch, about 4 oz of leftover sesame chicken with bell peppers and onions, and 1 flour tortilla.

Afternoon Snack - Sliced organic apples and 2 oz of grilled chicken.

Dinner - 2 leftover turkey meatballs and 2 oz of some leftover grilled chicken accompanied with some brown jasmine rice and sauteed cooking greens with garlic and onion seasoned with salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes then mixed with 1/4 cup eggbeaters and cooked through.

Dessert - Will be a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich and coffee with creamer.

Drinks - 21 glasses of water, 1 coke zero, 2 cups of coffee and 4 cups of yerba mate tea.

Exercise - 45 min on the eliptical and some ab work.

Totals for the day at 1244 calories in and 863 calories burned.

Breakfast in the Backyard

2006-03-27T10:59:00.000-08:00

Our backyard has a beautiful view. Our home is situated on a good sized mountain with no backyard neighbors to disrupt the view and looks out over homes and a main road and gives us a direct line of sight to the mountains on the other side. It really is beautiful during the day and at night with all the lights on.

Yesterday my husband and I were sitting out there in our patio chairs just enjoying the warmth and the beauty of this special place. The lawn is bright green and contrasts with the different shades of brown desert colors. It felt so incredibly relaxing and I told him that we should really start our mornings out there with our coffee and our breakfast. That would start every day out on the right foot.

So today I was going to begin this new tradition, but it was cold and cloudy LOL. Regardless of when, I plan on enjoying our backyard this Spring and Summer to it's fullest.

Smoking

2006-03-24T11:26:00.000-08:00

Ok...so I haven't wanted to really write this down because it forces me to come closer to the decision, but it has been on my mind a lot lately that I need to stop smoking. I know I need to do this and all that jazz but I'm not all that inclined to do it. I'm always an all or nothing kind of person so I know if I stop, I just stop. I've done it before and it's not really the cravings that bring me back to smoking, it's the lack of desire to not smoke.

Soon enough I'll come to a resolution and hopefully convince myself that I want to stop. It has to happen soon though because I know my body wants me to stop. I've given myself all these healthy changes with the foods I eat, the nutrition my body never knew before, and with the exercise that I'm very dedicated about. So naturally, kicking this habit is a necessity.

I've Been Thinking Lately...

2006-03-24T11:17:00.000-08:00

I wonder why some people, myself included, develop problems with food and weight while others never even skim the surface of that problem. What is it really that gets us to this point? It baffles me because I expect to be able to eat to live versus live to eat as if the problem never existed. I don't understand why thoughts of food should really matter at all at this point, yet I know they still do on more occasions than I like. It's odd to me. I watch my sister and my inlaws and I see that even if they love what they're eating, it's rare they finish it and it just doesn't phase them. What's the secret? I want to be like that, yet I don't really understand it.

Funk is Over

2006-03-21T13:22:00.000-08:00

I just want to thank everyone that's always so great to me and the first to remind me that things are good and I'm doing well. You all know who you are and it's really great. I feel much better today and the funk is officially over :p.

Funky Times

2006-03-20T14:03:00.000-08:00

Today I'm in a funk really. I'm feeling down and I'm having a hard time reconciling the image(s) in the mirror. When I look in the mirror naked or in my PJs, I see a lot of flaws and I see a never-ending windy road to perfection in my future. However, when I get ready and get all dressed up I see a better, never perfect, version of me and I feel pretty good. The difference in the two is making me a little crazy. So I find myself going over my calories a little with a bite here and there and I also find myself exercising more and more and being quite strict on my "minimum" calorie burned expectation. I don't know how to ease up on myself because I also expect, despite trying not to, significant losses of weight on a weekly basis. I'm very conflicted over this and not sure how to cope with it.

One decision I have to make is to go see my doctor since I've lost so much weight since I last saw her and I want to find a nutritionist to talk to. Forget the shrink, I already know I'm nuts :p.

Food & Activity Post

2006-03-19T14:12:00.000-08:00

Today:

Breakfast - Very yummy Quaker oatmeal made with 1 cup Carb Countdown FF milk, vanilla and lemon extracts, Splenda, and 2 Tbsp raisins. Coffee with creamer.

Lunch - Salad with avocado, vinegar, salt and pepper and 1/2 wheat pita with meatloaf and ketchup.

Afternoon Snack - Carb Countdown 2% chocolate milk with 1 cup of cut strawberries.

Dinner - 6 oz of broiled milkfish with 1/3 cup jasmine rice and green beans.

Dessert - Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich and coffee with creamer.

Exercise - None planned today.

Drinks - 14 glasses of water, 2 coffees, 1 triple espresso, 3 cups of tea.

Total calorie intake is 1294.

Shopping Extravaganza

2006-03-18T13:07:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes, yes! Yesterday was officially shopping day. Thanks to my sister I got an introduction into the world of normal size clothes shopping LOL. We got to the mall at 1 pm and I left there at 6:30 pm! All that working out has given me incredible energy hahaha. My husband had a great surprise for me and took the day off to spend it with me since I'm working this weekend and he came along to the mall and was a great sport to boot! So first stop was Charlotte Russe where I ended up getting a size 11 jeans, yep amazing to see and fit into an 11 (though I'm really a 14 at most stores). Then to Mode Plus for some cute tops, I bought tons I have to admit and the kind I've never bought in my life: shorter, tighter, cute tops. Next was Gap for some good belts which I found and yadda yadda, but the really neat thing is that there were a couple of tops I tried on which fit! I didn't particularly like it enough when on me but they fit! Last stop was Old Navy where I found a couple of things as well. It was really exciting overall to know I can shop almost anywhere now. I've now entered dangerous territory: 1) I can shop almost anywhere and 2) I love shopping!! That's why I will limit my time at the mall now LOL.

Food & Activity Post

2006-03-18T11:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I did not behave very well, but I did workout hard to compensate LOL.

Today:

Breakfast - One of my favorites. A bean, egg, and cheese quesadilla with some red pepper flakes. Also, coffee with creamer. 196 calories

Lunch Salad - Baby spinach with some boccoli sprouts and 1 Tbsp of low-fat ranch. 65 calories

Lunch - NS cheesy homestyle potatoes with tabasco and 1 1/2 Tbsp FF cream cheese with chopped onions and chives. 227.5 calories

Afternoon Snack - 1/2 a pita with 1/2 Tbsp FF cream cheese mix from lunch and 6 slices of FF ham. Also a banana. 203.5 calories

Dinner - About 7 oz of skirt steak (yep went over) and salad with olive oil, vinegar, and salt. 516 calories

Dessert - None for me tonight except 1 tsp of creamer in my coffee. 10 calories

Drinks - 18 glasses of water, 5 cups of yerba mate tea, and 2 diet cokes.

Exercise - 30 minutes on the eliptical. 586 calories burned

Total calories consumed at 1218 and calories burned at 586.

My Car is Too Big For Me :P

2006-03-15T10:46:00.000-08:00

So here's the story. In 2002 we decided to get a new car because the Maxima I had was old and starting to have issues but it was great and roomy. Anyhow, I start looking around and trying different cars but because of my size most cars were really uncomfortable, especially getting in and out of them, and I ended up turning to looking at SUVs because they are naturally bigger. So we ended up getting a Ford Explorer and it was comfortable for me to get in and out, etc. However, now it's too big! Here's the thing, when I'm driving and I switch lanes I slide around in the seat! Yes my seatbelt is on right and yes I tighten it up as much as I can to avoid this, but my butt keeps sliding (it's leather)! It's quite funny even while getting annoying. I need a smaller new car hunny! LOL

This Weekend

2006-03-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

Recap of my weekend. Finally finished the entertainment center (well except for details LOL), it's a pain in the butt to do! It's huge and beautiful though :). So our starting point was to put the assembled hutch (heavy as heck) on the TV unit when, due to our miscalculations, it comes tumbling down breaking...ouch that sucked. On the upside though, we fixed it! It doesn't look like it ever fell LOL. Gotta love my hubby. So that took most of the evening Saturday, but we had a great early morning because once it was done we started watching Alias curled up on the couch warm under a blanket.

I decided not to have a cooking fest and not even make a cake I really want to make because we just have too much food. We eat so little so it's hard to finish some of this food we end up having leftover. I've gotta get better at this LOL.

Sunday was a little less hectic and aside from doing things that need to be done, we got a few hours of playing time in and I got my workout in against my will haha. It's really all about will power. I love this quote from Billy Blanks: "Where I am today is where my mind put me. Where I'll be tomorrow is where my mind put me." Grammatical errors and all, I think it's very true.

Happy Monday All!

Food & Activity Post

2006-03-05T19:41:00.000-08:00

Today:

Breakfast - A lemon poppyseed muffin with a SF vanilla latte made with 1/2 cup ff milk.

Lunch - A breakfast bowl with a baby spinach salad condimented with 1 tsp olive oil, garlic, vinegar, and salt.

Snack - 1/2 a chocolate banana shake.

Dinner - Pot roast with 1 slice of jalapeno cheddar cornbread (absolutely loved it!).

Dessert - I need another fruit so I'll have SF apple pie filling with 1 scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Exercise - 1 hour Tae Bo Ultimate Total Body Fat Blasting Cardio.

Drinks - About 12 cups of water, 3 cups of coffee, and 2 coke zero.

Total calorie intake at 1209 and total calories burned at 816.

Crazy Cook

2006-03-05T19:40:00.000-08:00

Well today has been a cooking fest for me LOL. I've made quite a few recipes and to my surprise loved pretty much all of them. We actually got part of the entertainment center up but that will be a week long project to our dismay. Just so many darn pieces. Days off always go by way too fast. Back to the grind tomorrow.

Yippee!

2006-03-05T01:00:00.000-08:00

Finally we've got our TV stand in so we can set up our entertainment center. I'm so excited! Tomorrow/Today (Sunday) we're going to set it up and see how it all works out :). I'm also planning on having a cooking fest, there are so many recipes I want to make and I'm going to tackle some of them.