Inner and Outer Images

Tonight I went to my dad's surprise birthday party and I didn't realize that most of those people I haven't seen since my parent's wedding in July, exactly one week after starting Nurtrisystem (which will be my before pics when I post them next week hopefully). So I was quite taken aback by the reaction to my new self! I'm not one of those people who dread the attention, in fact I revel in it so it was quite an exciting thing how everyone noticed and jaws just dropped. When asked how much I have lost so far and telling 85 lbs it hit me just how big a number that really is. I really have come a long ways, I'm almost halfway to my goal and when I reach my goal I will have lost more than half of my total weight; I will have lost an entire person. So astonishing and incredibly invigorating. I feel proud really.

It's funny but I don't think I was ever as resigned to being incredibly fat as I thought I was initially. Even when I dream. No matter what weight I've been at (fat or fatter) whenever I have dreamt of myself it's always a fit woman, not too thin nor necessarily the most incredible body, but always fit and sexy. I mention this because it explains what I've really been feeling lately: my outside is finally starting to look how I feel inside. I'm finally beginning (I'm not there yet definitely) to feel that how I look on the outside is coming closer to matching the inner me. When I hit my goal I think I will feel much more free and capable of expressing myself completely with all my colors ;).