Dirty Laundry
Ahh, there's nothing like airing dirty laundry on a public blog is there? I'm an angry and disillusioned person today. It actually started last Saturday but I forced it out of my mind because I was out having a good time so there was no point.
At any rate, anyone that follows my blog at all will probably remember I posted a few months ago about my long-lost half-brother finding my family. I searched for him years ago and was pleased to finally be able to get to know him. Anyhow, there are a couple of things about me that I feel the need to state before I get into things: 1) I'm not a trusting person. I do assume the worst about a person and look for ulterior motives before I begin to trust them. This comes from years of experience, not just willy nilly. 2) I am very protective of my family and do not fake emotions or distaste very well.
That being said, here's the story. This started a couple of weeks after we started talking. I felt obligated to call him to not hurt his feelings and try to talk to him but I felt that I wasn't listened to at all. Months later I don't think this guy knows me at all. He started telling me he loves me, his little sister and blah blah blah. I couldn't really say the same back. I don't know this guy, he doesn't know me, how could he possibly know he'd like me as a person let alone love me as a sister? That aside, the way I have seen things from the start is as long as he's not after money or using my family in any way and his intentions are sincerely just about finding the family he never had and has searched for all these years, then we're fine and all things will fall into the corresponding slots in our lives. My aunts (my mother's sisters, not related to him) have met him and become a part of his life without hesitation because they care for my family. About 1 or 2 months ago there was a small inkling that things may not be as pretty as we wished them to be because my aunts had a chance to meet him, his girlfriend, and their child. The impression they got was that the girlfriend had some definite, yet unclear, motives in all of this. They may be mistaken or just a bad first impression right?
My first bad feeling: my aunts showed them pictures of us, our homes, our store, etc. When I heard this I told my husband or sister (or both I can't remember) that now we'll see what happens. To put it in perspective, one of my aunts in particular is well off by Argentine standards and my brother is where the majority fit: living month to month, without immediate need, but without extras. One big difference between them is my aunt is a well-educated woman in a good job with the same company for over 20 years, my brother didn't finish high-school and is on the ignorant side when it comes to manners, behavior, education, etc. So imagine this: my aunt, who knows the kind of sacrifices my family has been through to be where we are, gets impressed with our houses (trust me they are your standard small homes) and everything else; how do you think my brother reacted to the same photos? Yes, that's the same thing I thought.
Fast forward to a month ago, my parents went to Argentina to meet my brother and his family. The first face-to-face in almost 30 years between father and son. It went well actually. My dad met his grandchildren, found his grown son to be okay, not living in poverty, food on the table, a roof over his head. He realized he had issues, but still things went well. To help speed some paperwork needed some money was given to him for that particular process and the rest to be given (to finish paying for the cost) upon completion. My father is jaded like me as well so we're no idiots though we do pretend at times. The money was spent, not on the necessary paperwork as you may imagine, but spent (in case your wondering, my brother hasn't asked for money for this paperwork or pretended it wasn't enough...yet).
So, what happened on Saturday you ask? On Saturday proper, probably not much, except that I became informed of a situation. I won't draw out the entire situation, but in essence, my brother and his family have started seeing my father as their sugar daddy. You see why I assume the worst? He called my mother and when discussing a hearing aid he needs to get due to a disability he assumed, to her face, that my parents would be happy to fork out whatever money it was going to cost. My lovely mother told him to get whatever was within his means to pay for. LOL I love her to pieces. To add insult to injury, I'm also angry that in many ways they have put my aunts out with them helping him for this or that; or if they go have a drink or dinner one aunt of mine in particular ends up footing the bill. I can't stand people using and abusing me, my family, or anyone I care for.
Ah, well, I suppose we'll continue to see what happens from here, but I will admit I'm angry and disillusioned. I expected this sort of behavior, but I really hoped I was wrong.
At any rate, anyone that follows my blog at all will probably remember I posted a few months ago about my long-lost half-brother finding my family. I searched for him years ago and was pleased to finally be able to get to know him. Anyhow, there are a couple of things about me that I feel the need to state before I get into things: 1) I'm not a trusting person. I do assume the worst about a person and look for ulterior motives before I begin to trust them. This comes from years of experience, not just willy nilly. 2) I am very protective of my family and do not fake emotions or distaste very well.
That being said, here's the story. This started a couple of weeks after we started talking. I felt obligated to call him to not hurt his feelings and try to talk to him but I felt that I wasn't listened to at all. Months later I don't think this guy knows me at all. He started telling me he loves me, his little sister and blah blah blah. I couldn't really say the same back. I don't know this guy, he doesn't know me, how could he possibly know he'd like me as a person let alone love me as a sister? That aside, the way I have seen things from the start is as long as he's not after money or using my family in any way and his intentions are sincerely just about finding the family he never had and has searched for all these years, then we're fine and all things will fall into the corresponding slots in our lives. My aunts (my mother's sisters, not related to him) have met him and become a part of his life without hesitation because they care for my family. About 1 or 2 months ago there was a small inkling that things may not be as pretty as we wished them to be because my aunts had a chance to meet him, his girlfriend, and their child. The impression they got was that the girlfriend had some definite, yet unclear, motives in all of this. They may be mistaken or just a bad first impression right?
My first bad feeling: my aunts showed them pictures of us, our homes, our store, etc. When I heard this I told my husband or sister (or both I can't remember) that now we'll see what happens. To put it in perspective, one of my aunts in particular is well off by Argentine standards and my brother is where the majority fit: living month to month, without immediate need, but without extras. One big difference between them is my aunt is a well-educated woman in a good job with the same company for over 20 years, my brother didn't finish high-school and is on the ignorant side when it comes to manners, behavior, education, etc. So imagine this: my aunt, who knows the kind of sacrifices my family has been through to be where we are, gets impressed with our houses (trust me they are your standard small homes) and everything else; how do you think my brother reacted to the same photos? Yes, that's the same thing I thought.
Fast forward to a month ago, my parents went to Argentina to meet my brother and his family. The first face-to-face in almost 30 years between father and son. It went well actually. My dad met his grandchildren, found his grown son to be okay, not living in poverty, food on the table, a roof over his head. He realized he had issues, but still things went well. To help speed some paperwork needed some money was given to him for that particular process and the rest to be given (to finish paying for the cost) upon completion. My father is jaded like me as well so we're no idiots though we do pretend at times. The money was spent, not on the necessary paperwork as you may imagine, but spent (in case your wondering, my brother hasn't asked for money for this paperwork or pretended it wasn't enough...yet).
So, what happened on Saturday you ask? On Saturday proper, probably not much, except that I became informed of a situation. I won't draw out the entire situation, but in essence, my brother and his family have started seeing my father as their sugar daddy. You see why I assume the worst? He called my mother and when discussing a hearing aid he needs to get due to a disability he assumed, to her face, that my parents would be happy to fork out whatever money it was going to cost. My lovely mother told him to get whatever was within his means to pay for. LOL I love her to pieces. To add insult to injury, I'm also angry that in many ways they have put my aunts out with them helping him for this or that; or if they go have a drink or dinner one aunt of mine in particular ends up footing the bill. I can't stand people using and abusing me, my family, or anyone I care for.
Ah, well, I suppose we'll continue to see what happens from here, but I will admit I'm angry and disillusioned. I expected this sort of behavior, but I really hoped I was wrong.
posted by Flavia at 3:17 PM
1 Comments:
Its extremely frustrating but I am just glad to know that mom and dad are too damn old and wise to fall for it, if indeed it is the way it seems to be painting itself out to be... I dunno, so much I could say but I think you've heard it all before.
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