Kaleidoscope

I haven't been up to posting much lately due to an overwhelming amount of contradictory emotions I've been feeling on a pretty regular basis. In the past few days I've been angry, frustrated, scared, sad, depressed, relieved, happy, confused, determined, helpless, etc. The list goes on and on. I believe one particular issue to be at the bottom of how extreme I've been feeling. If I get upset, I get depressed; if I get mad, I get raging angry and so on. It's hard because that's not how I am, so I've had to take a step back and think about the why of it. Thanks to stepping back and thinking about the why, I managed to get myself out of what was eerily like depression today. I am not a depressed person and I refuse to allow myself to be one. I will fight it with every ounce of my being.

The upside is many good things occurred today. My friend Ashley is safe and was able to avoid surgery, my friend Ann made it to her 100 lb loss mark (she really, really needs to stop there though or there will be nothing left!), I got an exciting email regarding a positive opportunity in my life, my family is in good health, and many more things that I am able to cherish and enjoy. I thank all that is good for the positives in this life that balance those moments of despair. It is what makes those "moments" only last moments.

I feel so happy to have the friends and family I have. I know I'm blessed and I should focus on that versus the thing that makes me despair.