Mind Games

Lately I've been ravenous for who know's what reason. I usually dismiss it as just mental and like I've stated before I haven't been staying at the calories I should be at. Nothing crazy but definitely going over continuously. So last night I got it really bad and as I laid down to sleep the thought occured to me that I should consider taking a pregnancy test just in case. In my usual fashion I mentally dismiss this much sought reality as an illusion to avoid the ups and downs I've battled over the last 5 years trying to get pregnant. However, last night my mind traveled to that forbidden place and started imagining what if the test were positive? What would I do? What would be my first reaction? etc. I got excited about it. I promptly told myself to stop and get it out of my head because nothing good would come of that kind of thinking and I thought I was pretty successful. So this morning when I woke up the first thing I did was take that test and realized that I was hoping for a positive result. Needless to say, it was negative. I knew I shouldn't even let myself think along those lines. It's silly really. Besides, if I were to really choose when to get pregnant, it wouldn't be now so close to my goal and our Italy trip (imagine a 6 month pregnant woman walking around everywhere in Italy! LOL).

In conclusion, I have no idea why my body has been so hungry lately to the point of discomfort in the evenings. But I refuse to go hungry, so if I have to be up a little on calories I'll do it. If I stall my progress I'll deal with it.